If I Had You Read online

  READING GUIDE

  1) The author starts this book with Scripture from 1 Kings 3: 22-27. Why do you think she chose to introduce this story with this particular passage?

  2) In Chapter 3 Nora Crabtree is in church and the light shining through Jesus’ cloak turns the floor and her pastor’s head red. It seems impossible, but Nora sees her hands glowing red, too. Why do you think this is significant?

  3) Do you think the situation in the book when Nora argues with herself about Tess—about not wanting her to have a baby—is realistic? Why or why not? Do you think there are women around you, even yourself, who might have the same thoughts?

  4) In Chapter 5 the author uses a story of a long-ago Christmas pageant to describe the beginnings of the relationship between Tess Crabtree and Creede Franklin. What symbolism can you find in this scene? Do you think there is a deeper meaning when Paige Lee Wort says, “Sheep aren’t supposed to come this close” during the pageant? Why do you think the author wrote a scene depicting one of the main characters trying to get close to the baby in the manger? Given the theme of If I Had You, why do you think it is important that Tess was trying to get close to something that belonged to her?

  5) In Chapter 8 Cootie tells Jimmy Ray that Tess confided in him about her mother. She told him, “Every time I catch my mother looking at me, I see guilt in my mother’s face.” Do you think Tess is the cause of that guilt? Why or why not? Cootie’s next statement is this: “You know how it is. People see that you expect the worst out of them and, eventually, they’ll give it to you.” Do you think Cootie’s statement is true about how humans see things? How is the heavenly Father’s view of us different from Tess and Cootie’s?

  6) In Chapter 14 Nora remembers the story from Luke 7:11-16 about Jesus meeting a woman at the town gate of Nain. Nora knows that when the Lord meets us in our sorrow and confusion, he doesn’t condemn us for our mourning. Instead, he feels deep compassion for us. Can you find the verse in this Scripture that tells her this? Why do you think it is significant/symbolic that this incident happened at the town gate?

  7) In Chapter 18 Nora Crabtree becomes angry when she finds out her church is celebrating Anti-Abortion Sunday by filling the churchyard with small white crosses. Why do you suppose she responds the way she does? Do you agree with her response? Why? If you were to do something different, what would it be?

  8) In Chapter 20 Ben Crabtree thinks, Can it be this way? That a person doesn’t know what he’s living with until he leaves it behind? He has this thought because he’s felt his heart lightened by flying with Creede. Do you think this thought is significant to any other part of the story? Why or why not?

  9) By the end of the book, Nora comes to understand that her fears and her relationships with others include symptoms of post-abortion trauma. Can you name what those symptoms are with Tansy? With Tess? With Ben?

  10) If I Had You is an unusual title for a book about mother/child relationships and abortion. Why do you suppose the author chose to name this story with this title? Name the characters’ lives that might have been different if they’d “had” each other.

  Read more from Deborah Bedford!

  WHEN YOU BELIEVE

  Lydia Porter loves everything about her job as a counselor at Shadrach High School. But recently she’s become concerned about one of her students, Shelby Tatum, who seems troubled. Convinced that Shelby’s problems go beyond common teenage angst, she confronts her—only to have Shelby accuse Charlie Stains, the popular history teacher, of sexually abusing her. Suddenly Lydia is faced with the hardest decision of her life. For Charlie Stains is not only her colleague, he’s her fiancé and the man she believes God sent as the answer to her lonely prayers. But can she stand beside her man in the wake of such suspicion? Or must she unflinchingly support the confused and grieving girl whose life will be forever altered by her decision?